Art and Ego

i am guilty of associating

art with ego

when i see a painting

i dont think of how it makes me feel

i think of how beautiful it is

and how long it must've taken them

how much skill it took to accomplish it

when i see art

i think about the artist

//

music is different

when i hear music

i always try to listen to their words

to put myself in their shoes

i admire clever wordchoices

a catchy melody will make a song stand out

i pick music apart

//

the more i work hard on music

the more i associate music with ego

i start writing songs that i hope others would like

i judge myself before i get anywhere

when i became a music major

i had a long writer's block

i had plenty of material to write about

but nothing came out

i think it's because i stopped writing music for me

i wrote to be good

i didnt want to write anything mediocre

this killed my creativity

//

i am learning to unlearn

my associations with art and ego

one way for me to stop writing for others

is to stop writing altogether

i told myself that i would only write when i'm inspired

that way

i know i'm writing for me

//

but what happens when you want to write

and nothing comes out?

when you feel inspired

but don't have that spark?

for the past several years i would try anyway

in hopes that something would come to be

i noticed that this tactic works less and less

am i just falling out of love with music?

when i write i feel free

but what happens when you can't write anymore?

are you doomed to feel trapped forever?

no.

there are other ways to unlock your creativity

but i'm scared of losing something i've loved for so long

is it time to let go?

i, of course, will always write when inspiriation hits

but the days in between are getting longer and longer

//

if you know me

you know i love playing

We're Not Really Strangers

one of the questions asks

"What about you has remained intact throughout the years?"

for me i've always been an artist

my mediums have switched around

but i've always made art:

music

photography

ceramics

//

photography is another medium that's in its own lane

i went on a date with a guy last month

he asked me what i like about photography

i've never been asked that question before

i realized in that moment

that i love photography because i love being able to look at the world

point to something beautiful

and call it art

i also love being able to show my loved ones the way i see them

often times people say they dont look good in photos

i try my best to change their mind

//

there's a seperation photography has that other types of art don't have

photography heavily relies on the outside world

yes you can take a picture of the dandelion on your street

but being out in the world gives you more chances for photos to be taken

photography requires Living

//

for years i would go to concerts just to take photos

i told myself

if i didn't get a good photo

the whole trip was pointless

luckily i don't have the same mindset anymore

my ego is seperated more because i've accepted that life doesn't need to be captured in a photo

life can be spent living

//

i got a new job at the camera shop i always go to

i decided i would take a gap year to work at this job

i think photography is the perfect medium to get myself back in the artistic mindset

i will be around likeminded people

i will learn a lot

tomorrow is my first day

wish me luck :)